So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
