Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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