We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
