you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
