So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
