Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
