Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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