were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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