I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
