spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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