What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
