it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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