were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
