just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
false alarm, still single
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
