I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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