We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
