So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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