Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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