I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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