saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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