dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
