May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
