wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize