i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
