She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
