omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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