Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
