what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
