It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
