So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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