EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
