I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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