I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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