im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
