If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
