wrigley field is MILF paradise
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
