hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
