we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
