Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
