if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
