Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
