I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
