You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
