I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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