All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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