I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you had me at cake vodka
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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