I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
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I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize