Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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