cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
as a side note pls kill me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
