Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
