Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
