I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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