i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
