well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
