I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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