I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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