she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize