i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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