cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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