Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
